A Hard Day's Night

I screwed up again.

Speech and Debate Regionals 2012: Part 1 is over.
I went for Prose today. 2nd, 5th, 7th, 5th.

Like Addie said, I didn't think I would be upset over the results, but I am. I mean, after the rounds, I knew they were extremely tough rounds and it would be incredibly difficult to break through. I just still had too much hope, I guess.

I'm upset about the results, but the worst part is I know it's all my own fault. If I really think about it, I know I didn't deserve to qualify for state anyway. I've worked too little on my pieces, especially my prose.

I've been so lucky with everything lately, I started thinking I could just wing everything.

I'm just so disappointed with myself. Nothing is coming out right. Not this blog post, not my drama events, not my life.

It's like I can't learn my lessons. Success doesn't just come to me. I have to WORK for them. I know that in my heart but I'm just so damn lazy and I never work hard enough. I've been given so many chances but I've blown away even more.

I hate myself and who I am now.

My problem is that I'm too lazy. My problem is that I don't work hard enough. My problem is that I trick myself into thinking I don't need to work that hard. My problem is that I am never persistent with anything I do. Not even friendships. Anything that takes time and effort I eventually lose, unless there's someone behind me making sure I do everything I'm supposed to.

What's happening to me? It's like I'm losing more ambition every year.