All You Need Is Love

When I first started reading the Bible, I was seeking for a sort of identity. I was in middle school, lost, didn't know who I was supposed to be.

I thought that the Bible would have all the answers. It'd tell me what I should do and how I should act; it'd give me a checklist of traits that will define me a Christian. As I read, I discovered that it did.

It told me that I should be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19). It told me that the "fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). Basically, it gave me the checklist I was looking for.

I was excited at the prospect of having someone to be. I would be a Christian, and I would become the best Christian I could. However, the long checklist eventually overwhelmed me. It seemed like there is a "correct" reaction to every scenario, a "correct" thing to say in every conversation.

It seemed like a lot of thinking and a lot of self-asked "WWJD" questions. It seemed like a complicated test that I didn't want to get wrong answers on.

So I didn't really over-think this for a while. I still read my Bible occasionally, and I still thought about some of the "checklist" verses.

This fall, I started a new devotional, Bible-study guide. One day, they talked about "attitude". It was an attitude towards everything, towards people, towards life, towards God. It was an attitude a follower of Christ should have.

They summed it up in one word: love.

As I thought more and more about it, it made sense. It also un-complicated that "checklist" I had. I didn't need to have a "correct" reaction to every scenario or a "correct" thing to say in every conversation. I just needed to have love in my heart.

Many times, I sin because of anger, jealousy, or something human like that. I make malicious comments that hurt people more than I thought it would. I wish awful things upon people I didn't like. Haven't we all had those moments?

There was a cello boy in my recital that I disliked quite a lot. He had an ego bigger than his cello and a personality that just screamed "annoying". I first met him at the regions orchestra, and ever since the first time he bragged of how he is the youngest cello and how he should have made first chair, I took an immense disliking to him. What made matters even worse, as I learned during our first joint recital, was that he was a pretty talented cello player.

He was rude and immature and I just couldn't stand him. I'd find myself wishing that he would mess up as he plays and find it difficult to to say "good job" to him with complete sincerity afterwards. I wanted to make mean, sarcastic comments to him because I just did not like him.

During another recital after that one enlightening Bible-study, I was still wishing he wouldn't be so annoying and that he would mess up. Suddenly, I remembered the "attitude" I should have. I decided to try it out.

He actually looked like one of my best friends (albeit 5 years younger), so I imagined him as him. I asked myself, if it was L playing the cello, so young yet so talented, how would I feel?
I knew the answer. I'd be so proud of him. Watching him so accomplished and so engrossed in his own music, I'd be so happy for him. Seeing his confidence, I'd want him to do whatever to keep it.

And suddenly, it's like I'm seeing everything in a different light. I no longer wished the worse on the cello boy, and I could somewhat be happy for him for his accomplishments. And I realized that it's the same way for everything else.

There's a Facebook page that says "Once you start to dislike someone, everything they do starts to annoy you". It has so many fans because almost everyone can relate to that statement. We are usually more tolerant of the people we love. If someone we dislike made the same mistake someone we love did, we'd find our loved one's mistake much more forgivable. So if we loved everyone as Christ loved us, how much more tolerant can we be? It'd be much easier to be nice, to be sincere, because we simply don't have as much hate in our hearts.

I discovered that I didn't need the checklist, because if I can get my attitude right, the things on the checklist should follow naturally.

I've learned that truly, all you need is love. And if God's already given unconditional love to us, what else do we need?

Cut

"And you aren't a good example either."

Wow. That hurt.
Especially coming from you.

Turkey Day

Thanksgiving 2012.

We went to the Maki's for Thanksgiving dinner. It's an annual thing at their house, and it's our first time.
Normally, in the past 10 years or so, it's just the other six families.
I think we're new recruits.

I felt included.

Dinner was a feast.
Sweet potatoes, ham, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, you name it. 

And that was just the kids' table. 

After prayers and everything, we started getting our food.

Plates were being passed and people were talking all at the same time. 

"Could you get me some mashed potatoes?"

"Put some cranberry sauce on my plate, please."

"Yes, more gravy. That's great."

"Could you pass me some green bean casserole? Thanks."

It was chaotic. But in a sense, it was one of the most heartwarming moments of my life.

We felt like one giant family. And that's what Thanksgiving is about, isn't it?

Opened

When you put yourself out there, you get so much more back.

Attached

Crazy.

It's crazy how they're so alike.

It's crazy how I got close to both of them through texting/IMing. 

It's crazy how they're both Juniors when I first get close to them.

It's crazy how they're both chubby and awkward but have a good heart.

It's crazy how they both struggle with school and laziness.

It's crazy how I got so attached to them so quick.

It's crazy how they both became my best friend.

But I'm scared now.

Because I know I can get really emotionally attached to him. And then I'll get scared like last time and pull away.

I don't want to be attached to him.

Oh, and I hate how they both sometimes change how they act when they're around me. I loved their usual self. It gets so awkward sometimes.

Now, I wish I never told him that he was my best friend. I miss the way things used to be. How our conversations were.

It's so weird. So weird.

He's always so nice now it's awkward. I miss our teasing and banters and just making fun of each other. It was so carefree and simple and fun.

He and him both. They say things in texts that I can't see them saying in person. And I hate that.

I can't back away now, though. I don't think he's really had any good friends.

Ugh, I don't know.

I miss the way things use to be.

A Lesson of Faith

It started out with Rocky's violin.

I've been looking for a better violin and Rocky's was where we found it. It was priced at $8000 and I knew it wasn't in our budget. Dad doesn't make much each month, not in the money sense anyway.

Mom said not to worry, that if God meant the violin to be mine, He'll provide. After all, we've almost lost count of the times God has provided us when we were in need.

It's faith. It's believing even when you're not seeing. It's putting everything you have in God's hands and trusting Him to do the best with it.

It's hard.

Faith isn't just some little belief in something that hardly concerns you. Not to me. Not anymore.

When Dad took that leap of faith and dropped everything we had and followed Christ, so many things changed. He dropped the money he was making each month and the comfort of the life we were living.

Not that our life here is uncomfortable. Not at all. Because we've never needed for anything. God has always seen to that.

Faith plays a much bigger role, though. Our life savings were depleted along the way, and now every penny is from God. We're not saving any money each month. Quite the opposite, really.

"Seek first the kingdom of God and righteousness, and all these will be added on to you."

Mom said she had really experienced the meaning behind these words. Now it's my turn.

To trust God. With everything.

Fresh Batch of Air

I love blogging.
I'm not the greatest blogger; I always take forever to update.

But I've found blogging to be somewhat therapeutic. It's like you have your own place to scream, yell, rant, complain, celebrate, or anything else. It's like talking to your own therapist.

I know it's not why most people blog. But I use it almost as a journal. A journal that someone out there might be reading.

I want this blog to be my fresh batch of air. I want to use this blog to share what I still have trouble sharing in real life: Jesus.

I love Jesus. He has done amazing things in my life, and I want that in your life, too. He's been with me through everything, and I really don't know what I'd do without him.
I know one thing, though: I would've been so, so lost.

He gave me purpose in my life in this crazy world. He gave me peace and joy. He gave me love.

He's that light when all we can see is darkness. And I want to be that little candle. That little candle that has taken a bit of Jesus's light and warmth and shares it with others.